OZ Blog 6/17/09
On Wed. June 10, I flew out to St Louis for the Illinois Grey School Conclave, which was at a lovely public campground about 65 miles south of St Louis near Chester, IL—home of Popeye’s creator, Elzie Crisler Segar (1894-1938). GSW students Pratus and his wife Hillary picked me up at the airport for what should have been a 1_-hour drive. But just over the Mississippi River, a storm hit like I’d never seen before. Lightning bolts were striking all around us, booming thunder rattled our bones, and the rain was hitting the windshield like it was being sprayed from a firehose. In the storm, we managed to take a few wrong turns, and it was four hours before we finally pulled up at the campground, where we were welcomed enthusiastically by Xyaida, Tralfeyn, Abrea (Hillary’s mom), Nydia, Sage (Abluesphere), and his dog Beau. They asked me since I was a weather-worker, could I do something about the rain, as it had been raining every day since the previous weekend. I said I’d work on it.
The next day dawned bright and sunny, and it remained so for the rest of my visit. The Conclave was every bit as wonderful as the previous two I’d attended, and I enjoyed the remaining classes in wandmaking, pouches/reticules, and firestarting. At the campfire, after the Litha ritual, we initiated new members into the Ordo Erronum (“Order of the Wanderers”).
We got up at dawn on Saturday and broke camp to drive back to St Louis in time to set up our Grey School/Mythic Images booth for the two-day Pagan Picnic. Morning Glory and I had left St Louis for the West Coast in June of 1976, and I had only been back one time, 12 years ago, in 1997, for a Craftwise con held in a hotel, which was a complete bust, with more vendors and speakers than attendees!
When we left 33 years ago, there were maybe a couple dozen Pagans in the St Louis area—nearly all of them members of our own Church of All Worlds. So I was completely blown away to discover that this event—now in its 17th year—was attended by around 5,000 people! Paganism has certainly come a long way in the past 33 years, and this was a dramatic example! I signed (and sold) a lot of books, and had my photo taken with countless beautiful people (of course, I was in my full regalia—pointy hat and all).
Many of my old CAW Nestmates showed up: Carolyn Clark, our first Priestess; Don Wildgrube, our old High Priest; Tom Kullman, Peggy Ochs, Carol Casper, Nila Klaus, and others I cannot recall by name. But I met hundreds of new friends, and my two workshops (on “The Awakening” of Gaia and the Grey School of Wizardry) were well-attended. Xyaida, Tralfeyn, and Pratus (with his handmade wands) manned the GSW Magick Alley part of the booth, and Carolyn, Don and Tom pretty much hung out with us the whole weekend.
El Bee Kanobi, who seemed to be the main organizer, buttonholed me on Sunday and told me that the weather forecast was for rain. He asked if I, as a weather-worker, could try and get it to hold off until the next day. Again, I said I’d work on it.
Next to us was the WitchSchool booth, run by Don Lewis and Ed Hubbard. They had arranged a Magick Tournament quiz competition between the Witches and the Wizards, and Don and I asked the final questions. I’m proud to say that Pratus won for the Wizards, receiving an enormous besom (a Witch’s broom) for his trophy.The Picnic closed at 3:00 Sunday afternoon, and as soon as we got everything broken down and packed up, we drove down to my old teacher Deborah Bourbon’s store, Pathways, where I was scheduled to give a talk and sign books. Debbie had opened her first store, The Cauldron, way back in 1968, and when she offered classes in 1970, I was among her first students (she still mentions me as such on her website: www.pathwaysstl.com).
When we arrived, there was a big cake with “Welcome back, Oberon!” written on it.
After a lovely time at Pathways, Xyaida, Tralfeyn, Pratus, Hillary and I decided to go to the famous St Louis Gateway Arch. None of us had been up in it, though I’d watched it being completed when I first moved to St Louis in 1965. Pratus and I were still in full Wizardly regalia, so we anticipated a bit of “freaking the Mundanes.” But everyone was delighted with us, and many tourists had to have their photos taken with the real Wizards! Even the guards at the Arch and the clerks in the gift store were friendly—they all seemed to know about the Pagan Picnic, and were tickled that we’d come all dressed up. There was not even the slightest hint of negativity; again, what a difference from 33 years ago!
Monday morning, as I left the hotel to take the shuttle to the airport, it was pouring rain. The TV said there were storm and flood warnings all over the Midwest. But the entire time I was there it was beautiful.
I feel that this return visit to St Louis has brought me full circle...
We shall not cease from exploration,
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
—T.S. EliotAs for my cancer situation, I went in for a follow-up check-up with Dr. Bozdech, and he told me that everything looked really good after six months of chemotherapy. I’ll be seeing him again in a few months for another check-up, but MG says I can now officially refer to myself not as a “cancer patient,” but as a “cancer survivor!”
On July 16, I’ll be seeing my surgeon, Dr. Veluz, for a consultation regarding the rather massive hernia that has developed along the line of the scar from the cancer surgery last year. He’s tentatively scheduling me for a hernia repair surgery on August 11, but this will have to wait for confirmation until the consultation.Bright Blessings,
Oberon
OZ Cancer Report 5/29/09
Dear Friends,
Sorry not to have written sooner, but I’ve been incredibly busy (as usual) since my last blog entry. So now I’ll try and catch you all up on my progress. I’ll start with an update on my cancer stuff:
My last Chemotherapy treatment was April 10, so I’ve been working on recovering ever since. I finally can taste food again, and I no longer have a continual runny bloody nose, but my fingers and toes are still numb with neuropathy, and of course my hair will take a long time to grow back. But otherwise, I’m feeling great! On June 2 I’ll be meeting with Dr. Bozdech again for a 5-week evaluation. Hopefully I’ll check out as good as I feel.
So, what have I been doing since my last report? Well, mostly, I’ve been working like mad on the current book project—an autobiography of Morning Glory and I, supplemented with numerous interviews with friends and family over the years if our lives. This must all be completed and sent in to Llewellyn by July 30, so I’m working on it every day. The working title is “The Witch and the Wizard OZ.”
May 1-3 was our Beltane at Annwfn, but the weather was so cold and rainy that MG and I simply could not go up. The following Saturday (May 9) was Pagan Pride in Berkeley, and the weather was lovely. So Julie, Arek, and I went down and set up our booth for Mythic Images. Morning Glory joined us later in the afternoon, and afterwards we all went out to dinner at a nearby Hindu restaurant.
On May 17, Morning Glory made a presentation at the Sonoma County Pagan Network (SCPN) meeting, bringing a number of statues from her enormous (nearly 300 pieces!) collection of Goddess figurines. The theme was “Springtime Maidens,” and this was an introduction to a series of four weekend Goddess Retreats that she’s offering at our home over the next few months.
I continue to do several radio interviews a month, where I get to talk about my books, the Grey School, Unicorns, and anything else that comes up. I always enjoy these, as they help me reach larger audiences as well as provide practice in public speaking and thinking on my feet.
Last weekend, May 21-25, Julie and I were off in Kansas City for ConQuest 40, the Kansas City Science Fiction and Fantasy Society’s 40th annual convention, where I was Guest Artist of Honor. I had provided cover art and interior illos for the program book, and my black-and-white cover design was also made into a full-color T-shirt. The theme was “Shore Leave,” so Julie came up with a great idea—a sci-fi version of that famous 1945 photo of the serviceman kissing the nurse. Only I replaced the serviceman with the Metaluna Mutant from the movie This Island Earth, and did a futuristic city background. Everybody loved it, but the synchronicities that coalesced around it were downright eerie! First, the same scene appeared in the brilliant movie The Watchmen, which we saw just before we left. Then my old CAW High Priestess from St Louis, Carolyn Clark, showed up at the con and informed me that the serviceman in that photo had been her Uncle Bill! And finally, a few nights ago, MG and I went to see the new Night at the Museum movie, in which that photo plays a prominent part! That’s three! I can’t help but feel that This Means Something.
As Guest Artist of Honor, I was kept incredibly busy at the con, while Julie had to spend most of her time manning (womanning?) our table. I had to be at the opening and closing ceremonies, was on four panels, and had a special Guest of Honor speech to make. Since I was in my Wizardly regalia, I also got recruited into LARP (Live-Action-Role-Playing) games. And Julie and I entered the Masquerade Contest with the Mother Gaia and Rising Phoenix costumes we’d created for our CAW Pantheacon ritual. We won “Best of Competition,” and got a nifty certificate—with, however, the word “Phoenix” misspelled as “Phoneix.”
Yesterday was Morning Glory’s 51st birthday, so we spent it down in The City with our 2_-year-old granddaughter, Alessa. We spent the afternoon at the recently-remodeled Academy of Sciences, which we hadn’t seen before. Although I missed the unique and amazing “Fish Roundabout,” what they’ve done with the Steinhart Aquarium part was mostly pretty nice—adding a whole rain forest tower and major subterranean tanks (such as a huge “coral reef” that didn’t have any actual hard corals at all).
But MG and I were deeply traumatized by what they’d done to the natural history museum, which we used to love so much. The place has been gutted, and all of our favorite exhibits are completely gone. Of the two battling dinosaur skeletons that used to dominate the entry hall, only the poor lonely T-rex remains, relegated to a back corner off behind the rain forest, where he guards the entrance to the cafeteria (which closes at 4:00, as we discovered to our disappointment).
All that remains of the rest of the old natural history museum are a handful of taxidermied African animal dioramas—“the dead zoo,” as young Aidan used to call it. But the large and beautiful open African waterhole scene, with the light changing to show the speeded-up passage of day and night, and the songs of savannah birds, is all gone, to be replaced with a live penguin enclosure that’s much smaller and less interesting than the old one. The sea lion aquarium is also gone, as are the taxidermy dioramas of North American animals (as well as those of other continents), and all the stuffed birds. The remainder of the so-called “museum” is just a single large echoing room with a few free-standing photo and video displays on the evolutionary diversity of Madagascar and the Galapagos Islands—along with a section of video floor where little kids can try and stomp on computer-generated animated bugs. Alessa loved it, but then, she’s only 2_. If you’re older than that, it’s pretty lame.
Gone too is our very favorite exhibit, the wonderful Hall of Evolution, with its “Life Through Time” pathway, in which you could walk through a full-size diorama of a Carboniferous swamp (with bulldog-sized tarantulas and an 11-foot giant centipede); encounter a pack of attacking Deinonycus (human-sized velociraptors of the kind seen in the Jurassic Park movies); come face-to-face with a ferocious Diatryma (an 8-foot-tall “Terror Bird”) defending its nest of chicks against a pair of Oxyaenas (leopard-like predators); look up to see a Quetzalcoatlus (a pterosaur with a 40-foot wingspan) soaring overhead; and walk through an undersea gallery with life-size Ichthyosaurs, Plesiosaurs, and Mosasaurs hunting giant coiled Nautiloids in the Niobrara Sea.
Gone is the preserved Coelocanth (the 5-foot-long prehistoric lobe-finned fish discovered still living in the depths off the coast of Africa) that used to be at the entrance to the gallery, with a live modern lungfish in an aquarium for comparison. Gone is the great floor-to-ceiling bas relief of the evolutionary Tree of Life which inspired the design of the hair on the back of my Millennial Gaia statue. Gone are all the fossils and skeletons (with the exception of the aforementioned T-rex and the skeleton of a Blue Whale hanging from the ceiling above him). For Morning Glory and I, dinophiles that we are, the loss of all this was emotionally devastating.
Gone too was the entire gallery on the NorCalifia Coast, with the life-size dioramas of native critters in their natural environments—including a free-standing central rocky outcropping with a family of enormous Elephant Seals. One of my favorite parts of that hall had been the greatly-magnified mess of sea wrack, with sand fleas as big as cats. And the actual preserved specimen of a small giant squid (Architeuthis) that had been found washed up on a beach.
In the old museum, there had been a really nice Gem & Mineral Hall, a section on Earthquakes, and a hilarious Gary Larson cartoon exhibit, with a collection of “Cabinet of Curiosity” oddities. There was also an entire “Hall of Man,” with life-size dioramas depicting various native peoples with their homes, clothing, tools and other artifacts. And a special section on human evolution, with casts of key specimens. There had been a large section devoted to rotating special exhibits—such as the amazing collection of animal skulls we’d seen on our last visit before the museum had been closed for these renovations. All this was gone, except for a lonely cast of Lucy’s remains (but no reconstruction of what she’d looked like, or explanation).
Also gone was all the cool stuff in the Astronomy and Earth Sciences wing—including large models of the planets hanging from the ceiling that actually revolved around the central sun, and an enormous rotating relief globe of the Earth, which must have been over 10-feet tall. Of all this, only a much-reduced Foucault Pendulum remains, swinging back and forth with no explanation, as if hoping for a pit to give it some meaning.
When I went up to the information desk in shock to complain about all the missing exhibits, and inquire as to where they’d gone, another woman came up beside me asking the same questions, and saying that her uncle had sculpted the gorgeous fountain with a pair of leaping Humpback Whales that had formerly graced the central courtyard. It too was gone. What had become of it? she asked. She was told that it had been shipped off to some university. Now the central court was just a vast empty space with nothing in it but ugly metal tables and chairs. According to the guy at the information desk, all the wonderful exhibits that we used to come back time and time again to see had been crated and dispersed, or placed into storage.
And then there was the architecture. The beautiful San Francisco Gold Rush Victorian-style Exposition Architecture, with all its exquisite carvings and elaborations, had been replaced with some of the ugliest walls of grey concrete, glass, and steel I have ever seen. All that’s left is a bit of the seahorse railing around the pathetic remnants of the alligator pit—with one bored white alligator sunning himself on a rock a full story below the viewing area, and a few snapping turtles. The live reptile collection is also gone, with only a lone anaconda in the “Amazonian flooded rainforest” and a few geckos in a terrarium (fortunately, they didn’t try to sell me car insurance). Mostly the whole interior looks like scaffolding waiting to have an actual building erected within it. There are no murals, sculptures, or other art on the walls; no maps, charts, or diagrams; and nothing hangs from the 50-foot-high ceilings. What’s not ugly grey prison walls are vast expanses of glass—as if we come to a museum just to look at the world outside, rather than all the cool stuff inside. However, since all the cool stuff had been taken out, I suppose that the view out was better than the view inside.
Even the once-extensive museum store, which used to be the only place I could find the latest dinosaur figurines for my ever-growing collection, now has only tourist gee-gaws and gimcrackery, hardly any books, and no dino figures at all.
I have no intention of ever going back. But what was particularly eerie about the entire experience was that just the night before, MG and I had gone to see the new Night at the Museum movie, which is entirely based on the premise that the Director of New York’s Museum of Natural History has crated up and shipped away to storage (at the Smithsonian) all the really cool exhibits seen in the first movie, to replace them with holograms or other lame stuff. Since, in fact, the original movie gave the NY Museum a terrific boost, and they now have special “Night at the Museum” tours and campouts (with cots set up in the Ocean Life Gallery under the full-size Blue Whale), we figgered, “That could never happen!” But it did—and to our own beloved Museum, which is no more. If I wanna show Alessa a real museum someday, I’ll have to take her to Chicago or New York. But I mourn this loss.
After the Academy of Sciences closed at 5:00, we went over to Haight-Ashbury and checked out a few toy stores, where Alessa had a good time playing with things. Then we met Jessica (who shares the same birthday with MG), her parents, and some of our Pyrate friends for a fancy birthday dinner at the Park Chalet. The restaurant is upstairs, and the downstairs walls are all painted with superb examples of the old WPA murals from the late 1930s—with explanations and little cases of period artifacts, etc.Bright Blessings,
Oberon
OZ Cancer Report 4/1/09
I suppose April Fools Day is an appropriate occasion for me to write up my latest report on my chemotherapy and other adventures, so here goes…
I would normally have been scheduled for a chemo treatment last week, but since I was flying to Chicago on Wednesday, March 25, my doctor kindly canceled my appointments for that week and postponed them until this week. So today (4/1) was another day of sitting in a chair getting pumped full of chemo, and now wearing the pump for a couple of days until it gets taken out on Friday. So there’s not much more to say about that, except that after this, I have only one more treatment to go (April 14-17) and I’ll finally be done with this! Huzzah and Jalapeño!
So instead of another harangue on the joys of chemotherapy, I’d like to talk about what a wonderful time I had in Redding and in Chicago…where I used to spend much of my summers as a teenager.
First off, the “Wedding in Redding.” This was held for Wren Bloom & Dennis “Cedar” Hiller, on their 40-acres of land in Ono, CA, just out of Redding. Morning Glory and I officiated, and the ritual was taken directly from our book, Creating Circles & Ceremonies. It was a 4-hour drive up there, and we were put up at the lovely Gaia Hotel in Redding. We arrived Friday evening, March 20, just in time for dinner, and got to meet the amazing extended family of Wren’s remarkable relatives—most of whom are scientists. While the drive up was lovely weather, on Saturday it turned cold and rainy, and the outdoor ceremony was damped by a faint drizzle. But everyone was enthusiastic and happy nonetheless. Those of us staying at the hotel went back there for another fine dinner. But MG and I were too wiped out and chilled from the wedding day to stay over for the Ostara ceremonies to be held at the land on Sunday, so we opted to take a leisurely scenic drive home. We spent 11 hours on the return trip, with a long stop off at the Turtle Bay Recreational Area in Redding, and a drive through the redwoods. All in all, a nice little getaway for us.
On Wednesday, March 25, I took off for Chicago. After a 2-hour ride from here to the airport on the shuttle, and a 4-hour flight, I arrived at O’Hare Airport at 5:30 pm, where I was met by Mark Mandrake (“the Magnificent”) and his lovely soulmate Shauna Aura, of Earth Spiritualists of Chicago (www.meetup.com/earthspiritchicago; www.earthspiritchicago.com), with whom I’d be staying. Mark is a superb cook, and he prepared a fine dinner for us. We all hit it off terrifically, and stayed up ‘til very late talking about everything under the sun—getting to know each other through sharing our stories.
The next morning (Thursday), Alan Salmi came by, and we all took off for a day at the Field Museum of Natural History. We’d actually planned to also visit the Shedd Aquarium, but a thorough examination of the Museum’s new Egyptian exhibit, and a tour through paleontological prehistory in the Hall of Evolution—plus the obligatory visit with “Sue,” the largest and most complete T-Rex skeleton ever unearthed—took up the entire day! We didn’t even get to see any of the other wonderful exhibits at the Field Museum, but we were well satisfied. I’ll just have to come back another year to see what I missed this time…
At 7:00 that evening we showed up for an informal dinner reception at Tracy and Doug’s, where we had a riotous time getting silly with old friends and representatives of various of the Chicago-area groups. I got quite an earful of Chicago Pagan history over the past 30 years or so… Fascinating, in the literal sense of the word. We didn’t get to bed until 3:00 in the morning! I was suffering the whole time with a severe cramp in my left calf, and Mark, bless his great heart, spent many hours over the next few days massaging it so I could function.
Friday morning Alan showed up at Mark and Shauna’s, and took me over to the Occult Bookstore—a really cool place where we hooked up with Louvel, the owner and local Vodun Houngan. The four of us then took off for the Museum of Science and Industry that I used to enjoy so much as a teen. But it was rather disappointing, as all the cool exhibits I remember (giant human organs you could walk through, a vast model railroad train layout, animated mechanical “flow charts” showing how various products got from raw materials to finished products, etc.) had all been replaced by overblown computer games consisting of nothing but flashing lights and personalized avatars—which we couldn’t even get to work for us.
The one old exhibit that was still there which we thought would be fun to go through—the famous coal mine—had a 1_-hour wait, so we had to give that up. I did plunk down $5 to watch the entire process of a robotic assembly of a little toy gyroscope, but the equipment kept breaking down and technicians kept having to fix it so often (an interesting if unintended lesson on reliance on technology…) that we wandered off to try and find something to eat while my “Magetron” got assembled without me. Unfortunately, the museum café was nothing but junk-food vending machines! So we went back upstairs, collected my toy, and left to find lunch elsewhere.
Louvel knew of a great Cajun restaurant (well, he would!) where we got great gris-gris gumbo and jambalaya (which Alan had never had before—but I have often, as Morning Glory has Cajun relatives, and cooks a mean jambalaya, I go-ran-tee!).
After lunch, Alan and Louvel introduced me to the Oriental Institute, which I had never seen before. That was amazing! The best collection of Middle Eastern artifacts I’d even seen, anywhere in the world. From Sumeria to Persia, from tiny cylinder seals to a gigantic Lamassu (a winged bull with a man’s head. Actually, Lamassu properly refers to the female; the male—such as this one at the museum—is a Shedu) temple guardian statue. There was a student guard who took up with us and became our tour guide, often challenging us to find or identify various things—which we did quite well, I thought.
After another full day of museum-hopping, we showed up at 7:00 at a Pagan tattoo parlor called Heathen Ink where I gave a presentation to a packed room on “Wizardry for the 21st Century” (mostly talking about the Grey School), with a book signing. Since the airline had restricted my luggage to one carry-on, I’d packed my rolly-bag with books, and also had my publisher ship 25 Grimoires and 25 GE Omelettes on ahead. These sold like hotcakes, and I nearly wore my wrist out signing copies.
After another late night, Saturday morning was pretty laid-back until 2:00 pm, when we went over to the Occult Bookstore for my workshop on “Oracular Tools of the Ancient World”, which was quite well-received (I brought along a number of different oracular devices, including an alethiometer from the movie, “The Golden Compass”).
Then at 4:00, we went over to the Life Force Arts Center, where I gave a talk on “Gaia Thealogy & Green Paganism”—and sold and signed more books. As with all these presentations, it was a packed house.
After the workshop, the large meeting room of the Center was transformed into ritual space for the spectacular “Earth-Centered Unity Ritual.” A huge central altar was assembled, with watery altar cloths, many beautiful chalices, large seashells, and one of my Millennial Gaia figurines. The ceremony began at 7:00 with a lecture on the ecology of water by a member of the Earth Spiritualists community. More than 80 people attended, with contingents from many different Chicago Pagan groups each contributing their own element. Mine, of course, was the actual water-sharing part. Costumes and regalia ranged from T-shirts to elaborate embroidered robes. The diversity was wondrous to behold! Here is a list of the groups and traditions represented:
(ADF) Ár nDraíocht Féin
Brilliantly Mad & Alchemists Anonymous
Brotherhood of the Phoenix
Center of the Elemental Spirit
Chicago Pagan Parents
Chicago Reclaiming
Chicago Spiral Scouts
Church of All Worlds
Earth Spiritualists of Chicago
Fellowship of Isis
International Tarot Society
Life Force Arts Center
Occult Bookstore
Ringing Anvil
Sacred Order of the Black Cat
Temple of the Craft of W.I.C.A.
Temple of the Four Winds
The Troth
Witch School & Correllian Tradition
The rite culminated with a fabulous power-raising chant and dance which had everyone rocking around the room to the repeated refrain:
“Pour it out to me, pour it out to me;
Everything you give me I will drink!”
I gave the closing words by Gwydion:
“All from air into air;
Let the misty curtains part!
All is ended, all is done;
What has been must now be gone!
What is done by ancient art
Must merry meet and merry part—
And merry meet again!”
And then we all adjourned for a fabulous potluck feast.
I went back to Mark and Shauna’s, and we were soon joined by Phyllis Steinhauser. We again stayed up ‘til 3:00 am talking about the inspiring ritual, and our hopes, dreams, and plans to regard it as the inauguration of a really together Pagan community such as Chicago has never had before. After all, Chicago is now the center of the world as the hometown of our new President! This is a great opportunity for the local Pagans to rise to the occasion: “Yes, we can!”
Sunday morning, it snowed. My final presentation, “Polyamory, Paganism & Community,” was at 11:00, again held at the really cool Occult Bookstore, and followed by a potluck brunch. So many people showed up that the back room we’d used for the divination workshop wasn’t nearly big enough. So Louvel and Lisa cleared out all the display cases in the main part of the store to set up chairs, and put me on the high stand behind the sales counter. My talk and stories were very well-received, and afterwards I sold most of my remaining books.
Mark and Shauna dropped me off at the Airport at 4:00 for the 4:45 flight home. Morning Glory met me at the San Francisco Airport upon my arrival at 7:30, with a welcome offer to take me out for dinner at this great seafood place called The Clam House. Unfortunately, although she been there a few times before, she couldn’t find the place, and we drove around for an hour and a half looking for it. Finally, we found it—only one minute after they closed at 9:00! Bummer. So we grabbed a rather drab meal at Mel’s, and finally arrived home at about 11:00—completely exhausted.
Epilog: Alan Salmi has medical background, and he expressed concern that the chronic cramp in my left calf might be a DVT (deep vein thrombosis)—a blood clot that could potentially be lethal. So on Tuesday I told Dr. Bozdech, my oncologist, about it. He was equally concerned, and he set me up immediately for an ultrasound scan. Fortunately, no clotting was found, and today (4/2) it actually feels much better.
Brightest Blessings of Spring,
Oberon
Monday, March 2, 2009
Dear Friends,
Please accept my apologies for not posting a report sooner, but the last month has been very hectic indeed! Pantheacon right in the middle of Feb. was an enormous undertaking for our whole Family. Not only did we have our usual Mythic Images booth (which we seem to make more-and-more elaborate each year); we also hosted a hospitality suite for the Church of All Worlds, with several events scheduled there. These included a big book release gala and contributor-signing party for my latest book, Green Egg Omelette, on Sunday evening. This was followed by our dear Wynter’s 30th birthday party, at which, upon the stroke of midnight, Morgan, her beloved partner of the past several years, got down on one knee and formally proposed to her! No one had a clue. Morgan’s mother Erif was there as well, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. We are all so happy for them both!
We also put together a Grey School panel presentation with a number of faculty members. This was videotaped and can be seen on U-tube at www.youtube.com/duir1177. But the biggest thing for MG and me was the major ritual on Saturday night, which was Valentine’s Day. Kiara videoed it, but she hasn’t put it up yet. Eric Silverbear had made the arrangements and conceived the basic theme: “Phoenix Rising.” And he served as Priest. But actually composing the script for the entire ritual, including all the stage directions, etc., fell pretty much to me. Fortunately, each of the participants wrote most of their own parts, so this wasn’t as hard as it could have been. And we had a number of rehearsals to get it all down.
But then there were all the props, costumes, and special effects, which pretty much fell to me to create. Fortunately, Julie was able to help out with a lot of the sewing, so I didn’t have to do it all. But I did create an amazing Phoenix costume and headpiece, as well as reproducing exactly the entire leafy “hair” of my Millennial Gaia figurine—including the “tree of life” on the back with all the tiny animals—as a full-size wig for Morning Glory, who took the role of Gaia in the ritual. Then there were tabards for the Elemental dancers, and matching altar cloths for the four quarter altars. And an electric “hearth” that could display glowing “coals” and then burst into “flame” under my control. Making all that stuff took weeks, and it was only finished just in time for us to pack and leave at dawn on Friday morning for the 2-hour drive to San Jose. Morning Glory never even went to bed the night before, and I wasn’t at my very best either, as just a few days earlier had been my bi-weekly chemo treatments.
And I am writing this only a few days after my latest treatment, which is really kicking my butt! But this is a week off for me, and I don’t have to go back for more until next Tuesday (March 10). The best news is that I have only 3 more treatments! I’ll be done with this for good after the final treatment on April Fool’s Day!
Each of these treatments, however, gets harder and harder for me to take, as the effects are cumulative. The numbness and temperature sensitivity in my fingers and toes has now become so acute that I have to wear warm wooly gloves to take anything out of the refrigerator, or to drive. Grocery shopping (a task that has fallen almost entirely to me, as the grocery store is next to the Post Office, and I go there nearly every day to send packages and pick up the mail) has become very difficult. I have to really bundle up against the cold in the store, and again, I have to wear thick gloves to handle anything, even veggies.
But the worst part for me is the smells. By now, there is pretty much no lining at all in my nasal passages, and my olfactory nerves are just raw and open. In an attempt to keep the missing lining moist, my mucus glands are working overtime, so I have a constant runny and bloody nose. I’m going through Kleenex by the case! When I go into the grocery store, I am nearly sickened by the once-pleasant aroma of baking, fresh veggies, and all the other good smells which now seem foul and nauseating to me.
The same is true, of course, for tastes. All the lining of my mouth and throat is now pretty much gone, as well as my taste buds, and I am coughing a lot as my digestive and mouth mucus glands are trying to compensate. I have a perpetual foul taste in my mouth which I won’t disgust you by trying to describe. Food of any kind not only doesn’t taste good, but the very thought of it is revolting.
Which has its good side—with no appetite, I’ve lost 40 pounds since I started on this, and I hope to lose another 20 or 30 before I’m done. This weight loss will allow me to have surgery to correct the umbilical hernia which has really gotten out of hand since my operation for colon cancer last July. The lump protruding from my belly is now the size of my fist. But my doctor says it’s OK, and I’m in no danger.
Speaking of what the doctor says, however, I seem to be in excellent health in all ways other than the chemo side-effects. All my blood tests continue to be excellent, and I recently underwent a complete cardiology evaluation—including treadmill and ultrasound. My cardiologist said everything was normal. I asked him, “Do you mean normal for a 66-year-old guy with cancer?”
And he said, “No, normal for a 40-year-old man in good health.” So that’s encouraging.
As for my hair and beard (which everyone asks about), it keeps getting thinner and wispier, but I’m not gonna shave it—I want to see just how far it goes, and what I’ll look like at the most extreme. It’s like watching myself age 30 years over six months, which is fascinating in a macabre sort of way. I have this big portrait of me up over our fireplace, and it’s not aging, while I am. Sorta like “The Portrait of Dorian Grey” in reverse. At Pantheacon, Glenn Turner, Selena Fox, and Starhawk all told MG that if I’d shave my head at the con as a statement (of what, I don’t know), they’d pay to have some nifty pattern hennaed onto my scalp. But I turned them down. The oddest thing there was that people kept coming up to me and telling me enthusiastically, “You look great!”
I’d say, “No I don’t. I look like hell.” I mean, back when I actually did look pretty good, people weren’t coming up and telling me so, so what’s this about? I thought of how people viewing an embalmed corpse at a funeral will say, “Doesn’t he look good?” No he doesn’t—he’s DEAD!
But MG explained that folks were just trying to be encouraging, and that I should say politely, “Thank you for the vote of confidence.” So this is what I did after that.
And now we’ve been asked to do reprise the Phoenix Rising ritual for our own Church of Worlds Walpugisnacht (May Eve) at Annwfn. That’s cool—at least I don’t have to make all that stuff again!
I think this is enough about me for now. Bright Blessings,
Oberon
OZ Chemo Report—1/30/09
Well, today I get unplugged from my latest chemo treatment. That makes 7 so far—only 5 more to go! I’ll finally be done with all this in early April.
Each time the cumulative side-effects seem to become a bit more extreme. This week my fingers are so sensitive and numb that I can barely stand to touch anything cool, or rinse my hands under running water, or even type (I have to keep going back and correcting typos as I write). I cannot even drink cold water without my throat clenching up. Interesting.
The constant bad taste in my mouth definitely cuts down on my appetite, so I’m hoping to lose considerable weight though this process. I have found an interesting correlation regarding tastes: by-and-large, meat and heavy proteins still taste OK, but carbs (especially cheeses and creamy stuff—which I’ve always loved) just taste awful. Salt helps, and citric fruit juice (especially ruby red grapefruit juice) is a great palate cleanser before eating anything else.
I feel pretty groogy most of the time, and it’s hard to think, concentrate, or remember things. Since I am constantly being asked for advice, this presents somewhat of a challenge to not come across as a complete idiot! And right now I’m hard at work on our autobiography: “The Witch and the Wizard OZ”—which requires me to recall countless details of a long and adventurous life. But I do keep remembering things, and going back and inserting them into the narrative.
However, throughout all this fascinating chemo adventure, my doctor (who is a really great guy, and a science-fiction fan) tells me that my biweekly blood tests continue to indicate that I am in perfect health in all ways. My red blood cell count is a high normal, though my white blood cells are acceptably low due to the chemo. My blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol, and everything else is perfect. Dr. Bozdech is impressed, and I attribute it all to magick! And since I have started these treatments, I’ve lost 11 pounds (only about 30 to go to reach what I consider my ideal weight of 170 lbs.).
Pantheacon is in only two weeks—the biggest Pagan event in our neck of the woods, held at the Doubletree Hotel in San Jose, CA, over the weekend of Feb. 13-16. This year, the Church of All Worlds has a hospitality suite where Morning Glory, Julie, I, and several others will be staying. In addition to our usual Mythic Images booth in the dealers’ room, and our panel/workshop on the Grey School of Wizardry, we’ll be hosting a big book release and signing gala for my latest book, “Green Egg Omelette,” on Sunday evening, and CAW is doing a big Phoenix ritual in one of the main ballrooms on Saturday eve. For this ritual, as well as writing the actual script (correlating considerable input from other cast members), I am designing and making all the costumes, masks, props, and special effects. It will be quite spectacular!
However, this weekend we are taking a little break from the concentrated intensity of our daily Work, for a vacation to Middle Earth. We’re having our Goddess-daughter, Freya, over for the weekend, and a marathon of watching all three “Lord of the Rings” movies in the extended versions on our wide-screen TV. We’ll also get out my large collection of LOTR action figures, etc., and I‘ll be dressed as Gandalf. Every now and again, we just need to do something like this!
And that’s the latest news from RavenHaven.
Brightest Blessings,
-OZ
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Musings on a Reuben Sandwich
By Oberon Zell-Ravenheart
Reuben, Reuben, have a sandwich;
While you're up make one for me.
Bacon, lettuce, and tomato-
Also cheese, but not fat-free!
Health-Nut bread just toasted lightly;
Mayonnaise and mustard too.
That will be a perfect sandwich;
One for me and one for you!
Rachael, Rachael, make your own lunch!
How about a tasty stew?
Onions, mushrooms, and potatoes;
Carrots, peas, and corn will do.
There's some lamb from last night's pot roast,
And some chicken in the pot.
Boil it up with lots of gravy;
That will really hit the spot!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Well, I’ve now had five of these bi-weekly chemo treatments. Only seven more to go! If you are still interested enough in my continuing adventure into the realm of chemotherapy to keep reading, here is the latest installment:
To recap a bit, this adventure began last June with a long-overdue colonoscopy (a word to the wise—don’t put off getting regular colonoscopies if you are over 50!). One large tumor was discovered, in my descending colon (large intestine, left side). This was removed in a major surgery on July 28. The operation took out not only a foot of my colon, but also a large triangular wedge of mesentery with seven lymph nodes. One of those nodes was also found to be cancerous, indicating a degree of metastasis that could possibly infect other organs. Recovery from the surgery took well into September, and then I had a heavy schedule of travels and appearances through October.
On Oct. 10, I was given a PET scan, which found no indication of any tumors anywhere in my body. That put me at Stage 3, with chemotherapy being prescribed just to make sure I’m completely cleaned out of any cancer cells that might still be hiding somewhere in my blood or lymph.
On Oct. 14, I underwent minor surgery to implant a catheter port under the skin of my chest on the right side—with a tube going right into my jugular vein.
On Monday, Nov. 3, I started chemotherapy, sitting in a special chair at the oncology center for four hours while they pumped this chemical cocktail into me through the catheter port. The mix consisted of Oxaliplatin, Leocovorin, Avastin, and 5-fluorouracil (5-FU). Each of these lists several possible side effects, but there was no way of knowing which ones I'd experience.
At the end of that 4-hour session, and every one to follow, they fit me up with a plugged-in pump and a pouch of the chemicals to continue the flow for another 48 hours. Then on the following Wednesday, I go back in and they disconnect me. Two weeks later I go back and do the same thing all over again. The side effects generally hit me after the pump is disconnected on Wednesday, and last for about a week.
So after five treatments, the effects are really starting to become significant. As I’ve mentioned before, the main objective of this chemo regimen is to saturate my body with chemicals that will inhibit cell division and reproduction. Since this is what cancer is all about, the idea is that if we can keep any lingering cancer cells from reproducing themselves for six months, they will all simply die off, leaving me completely cancer-free.
But this inhibition of cellular reproduction and regeneration doesn’t just affect cancer cells—it affects all the cells in my body. This is most noticeable in those cells that have a high turnover rate—such as nails, hair, skin, and the delicate linings of my mouth, nose, and general GI tract all the way through. When these cells die off, they aren’t being replaced. So my fingernails aren’t growing, and my hair is thinning and shortening. Every morning when I brush my hair and beard, more hair comes out on the brush, and I’ve saving it in a baggie, which is getting pretty full.
Not only are my hair and beard much thinner, but they’re now about half the length they were before. I don’t know how far this will go—will I lose all my hair and beard, to look like Charles Xavier instead of Albus Dumbledore? It’s beginning to look that way, but only time will tell. At least I am encouraged in the long-run, as the doctors say that after the chemo, my hair will grow back better than ever. And the few friends I know who’ve gone through all this over the past several years have shown this to be true, with a lush 2nd growth of hair. But it will take many years to regain the foot-long beard and mane of hair down my back that I’ve sported for so long. I haven’t shaved or worn short hair since college!
My skin is thinning and becoming more sensitive as subcutaneous nerves are becoming more exposed. The strangest aspect of this is that my fingers are now so sensitive to cold that I cannot touch anything colder than about 40°F without it feeling like I am handling dry ice—a painful burning and numbing sensation. I cannot take stuff out of the refrigerator, rinse my hands under cold water, bring in tools from outside, open the car door, shop for groceries, or hold a cold drink, without wearing heavy gloves. And, of course, it’s winter!
This hypersensitivity to cold also affects my mouth and throat. I cannot eat ice cream, or even drink cold water. The last time I took a cold drink, my throat clenched up in a spasm, and I could hardly breathe!
My taste buds are now pretty much gone altogether. The doctor says my tongue is just smooth. I can no longer taste food, and I have a constant foul taste in my mouth that is somewhere between metallic and the taste you have after you’ve thrown up. Nothing makes this go away. I also have a perpetual bloody nose, and when I sneeze or blow my nose, bits of flesh come out along with the bloody mucus. Yeech!
I am also finding that I have much less energy these days. I often don’t wake up in the morning until around 10:00, and I still feel tired and lethargic all day. And my brain is all fuzzy. It’s hard to get any work done—and I have so much to do!
But with all these negative aspects of chemotherapy, there are some positive ones as well:
I don’t have to spend nearly as much time washing and brushing my hair, and I don’t have to tie it up to keep it out of the water in the hot tub.
I have a good reason to wear a hat, and I have quite a collection to choose from (mostly pointy ones).
I don’t have to clip or file my fingernails very much.
Sitting in the oncology center for 4-6 hours every other Monday is giving me lots of time to read.
Since food doesn’t taste good, I have much less desire to eat, so it is easy to diet, and I could stand to lose 40 pounds or so.
People cut me a lot of slack for having cancer and going through chemotherapy.
I am gaining incredible experience to teach me grokking and compassion for the ever-growing number of people I know who have been, are, and will be going through the same thing. The value of this is inestimable! I am learning so much…
Um…I’ll think of something else, I’m sure.
And the good news remains that in all aspects other than the cancer thing, my blood tests, scans, etc. indicate that I am phenomenally healthy—as if I was 30 years younger than I am. My sense of humor remains relatively intact—especially regarding the delectable absurdities of existence. And I am surrounded and inundated with love, prayers, and healing magicks. I have many wonderful and supportive friends, and a loving and devoted wife and family. I have a comfortable home, with a really good library of books and movies. I have meaningful and fulfilling Work to do, and have already established a considerable legacy—with much more in process. So I really have nothing to complain about.
And the adventure continues…
Brightest Blessings for the New Year—may you all live long and prosper!
—Oberon
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Dear Friends and Family,Yesterday I spent pretty much all day at the oncology center for my second 6-hour chemo treatment. Now I have to wear this little pump until tomorrow, to keep pumping the stuff directly into my jugular vein through the catheter port they installed under my skin last month. The pump and packet of chemos is in a fanny pack—a bit awkward, but no real problem. Tricky to sleep with, though…
From my last experience, I figger I can expect the side effects to hit me tomorrow evening, and last for about a week. Nausea, cramping, fuzzy-brain, and generally feeling like crap. However, this time I’ll be taking some counteractive medications, which I didn’t do last time, as I wanted to know what the actual effects were.
But the good thing is, once the effects wore off, I felt great!
So don’t expect me to be at my very best for the next week! Then I get a week off before the whole things starts again. Every two weeks for the next 6 months—12 treatments in all. Yippee!
BB & NT-OZ
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Dear Friends and Family,
Sorry to not have gotten back to everyone sooner with my chemo update. Each day I intend to write it, and each day gets filled up with other stuff.
I started chemotherapy on Monday, Nov. 3. The first session involved me sitting in a special chair at the oncology center for 4 hours while they pumped this chemical cocktail into me through the catheter port they implanted on Oct. 14 under the skin of my chest—which sends it right into my jugular vein. The mix consisted of Oxaliplatin, Leocovorin, Avastin, and 5-fluorouracil (5-FU). Each of these lists several possible side effects, but no way of knowing which ones I'd experience.
At the end of that 4-hour session, they fitted me up with a plugged-in pump and a pouch of the chemos to continue the flow for another 48 hours. Really awkward to sleep with, I can tell ya! Then I went back on Wed, Nov. 5, and they took out the catheter and sent me home. I felt fine up to that point, thinking this is a piece o' cake! But Wed. evening I started to feel really bad--stomach cramps, woozy in the head, achy all over, diarrhea (but no nausea, thank the gods!). This got worse over the next few days, with me feeling like crap all through the weekend. My whole abdomen felt like it did right after the colon surgery!
But by Tuesday evening, I was starting to feel better. And today I feel fine. Next Monday I go back and start the whole thing all over. And this will continue every two weeks for the next 6 months...
The PET scan on Oct. 10 found no indication of any tumors anywhere in my body, which puts me at Stage 3. This was excellent news, and I attribute it to all the amazing healing energies that have been pouring into me from throughout the worldwide magickal community. Thank you! The chemo is to completely purge any possible lingering cancer cells that might still be hiding out undetectable in my blood or lymph. My prognosis is excellent. But I still hafta go through this...
Samhain Blessings to everyone here…
-Oberon
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Dear Friends and Family,
Today I went in to the hospital to have an IV port installed under my right collarbone for chemotherapy treatments—which are scheduled to begin in early Nov.
Last Friday I had gone in for a PET (Positron Emission Tomography) /CT scan intended to discover any other lesions, tumors, or cancerous tissue anywhere in my body. This scan was compared to the previous CT scan I had on Aug. 15, which had detected a 7mm low-density lesion in my liver. Today, at the hospital, I was given the results of this latest scan, and I’d like to share them with you:
HYPERMETABOLIC FOCI: None. Specifically, there is no evidence of metastatic labeling in the liver, nor evidence of disease in the abdomen or pelvis.
OTHER: There are no colonic sutures seen, nor evidence of metallic clips to suggest the site of the recent colon surgery. The 7mm subcapsular low-density lesion in the inferior segment of the right lobe of the liver on the prior CT is not visible on this noncontrast CT.
CONCLUSION: No evidence of metastatic disease.
See that? “No evidence” of any cancer in my body at this time!
I thank all of you who have sent me healing energy, magick, prayers, and love. I thank all of you have burned healing candles for me. I thank all of you who have joined with me in visualizing all cancer gone from my body, and robust good health returning to me. I think this report is a great demonstration of magick in action!
At this time, I would like to ask you to do the same for my oldest friend and water-brother, Lance Christie, who lives in Moab, Utah, and has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He and I have shared many things over the past 47 years, including the founding of the Church of All Worlds, and now it seems we are sharing cancer. So let’s share the healing as well! Please add Lance to your prayers, magick, candle-burnings, energy sendings, etc. It's tragic enough that he recently lost his beloved soulmate, LaRue, to Alzheimer's, as well as their wonderful dog, Buddha, and their beautiful cat, Blue Eyes. Now this.
Despite the complete lack of evidence of any cancer persisting in my body, Dr. Bozdech still wants to go ahead with the chemotherapy treatments—just to make sure that nothing cancerous escapes notice. He’s one of the top experts in the field, and I am prepared to go through with this if he feels I should. And that should be very interesting, as there are quite a range of possible side effects from the various drugs they’ll be giving me—and there’s no telling which ones I may exhibit…
The adventure continues! (And please feel free to pass this on to anyone you think might want to know)
Brightest Blessings,
Oberon
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
To all my dear Friends,
First, I am going to have to presume that you’ve been reading the reports by Julie and Morning Glory during the time I was in the hospital for colon cancer surgery, so I won’t have to go back over that territory. I do want to say, however, THANK YOU! For all the love, magick, prayers, and healing energies that so many of you have been sending my way. It has really made a difference—I have felt not only upbeat, but positively elated throughout this entire experience. Even the sometimes rather severe pain never detracted from my general good spirits. I also want to thank those of you who sent them for all the cards and flowers—my hospital room was filled with them, and now they are arrayed all over the healing altar in our temple room.
On Wednesday, 9/3, I finally got to see the pathology lab report on the enormous section of my insides that had been removed. Imagine, if you will, a triangular quarter-slice of a family-size thick crust pizza, about 12 inches on a side. That’s what the piece they took out of me looked like. The outer crust (with a meatball-sized tumor in the middle of it) would be the foot-long section of my descending colon, with the rest of the wedge being the mesenteries, containing the connective tissue, blood vessels, fat modules, and nine lymph nodes. Think of the latter like olives. One of the nine had pimento (cancer) in it. This was very bad news. It meant that the cancer had indeed metastasized outside of the original tumor…though not much, yet.
I didn’t want to hit y’all with this at the time, but it really did take the wind outta my sails. I needed a few days to assimilate the news, and the implications. No way around it…if the cancer has gotten into my lymphatic system, I’ll be needing chemotherapy for the next couple of years. Of course, the immediate thing that leapt to mind was the thought of losing all my hair and beard. Amusingly enough, this was the thing I found hardest to deal with. Ah, vanities!
And then, Thursday night, I woke up chuckling over the irony: I have been identifying very strongly in recent years with the Headmaster of Hogwarts (I’ve even been called “the real Albus Dumbledore”), whose long grey hair and beard are iconic. But long before J.K. Rowling invented Hogwarts, there was another “School for Gifted Youngsters,” run by another fine Wizard named Charles Xavier. And he was completely bald and beardless due to the chemotherapy for his cancer, which had him confined to a wheelchair. So I started envisioning how I might do some cosmetic modifications on Morning Glory’s mother’s wheelchair, with a big “X” covering the wheels…
And this is how I managed to pass my time, in between reading chapters of Diane Duane’s “Young Wizards” series (I’m up to the 5th book, “A Wizard’s Dilemma”—great stuff!).
I was released from the hospital Saturday afternoon, 9/6. They unplugged all the needles and tubes, and Morning Glory and Arek picked me up and took me home. It was great to be in my own home, and I just flopped into my favorite comfy chair as we watched “on demand” the first four premier episodes of the really cool new BBC America series: “Primeval.”
That night I slept in our own bed better than I had in nearly two weeks. Each day I have been feeling better and better, and able to sit up a bit longer at my console, catching up on email—sending brief notes to many of you who’d written me personally.
And finally, yesterday afternoon (9/9), MG took me into her oncologist, Dr. Marek Bozdech, for a full exam and evaluation. Dr. Bozdech is one of the top doctors in cancer therapy (especially multiple myeloma, which is what MG has). He’s fabulous—and also a sci-fi buff, like us. He confirmed that I have Class III cancer, for which the “adjuvant therapy” is chemotherapy—specifically, avastin, oxoplatin, and cystoplatin. He said that these platinum-based treatments affect cancer cells at the DNA level by retarding mitosis and preventing their reproduction. But another good thing about them is that they won’t cause me to lose my hair!
After a month to recover from the surgery, I’ll be getting 48-hour treatments every two weeks for a year. Then it’ll be every 3 months for three years, eventually tapering off after five years to every 6 months…continuing indefinitely. In a few weeks they’ll do a PET scan (positron emission tomography) to try and determine the extend of the spread. Then they’ll install a special IV catheter port just above my collarbone into which they’ll be able to inject the chemos directly.
Once the cancer spreads outside the colon, present medical knowledge offers no hope for a cure. There is, however, possibility of remission, and that's what I'm holding out for.
I cancelled all my speaking engagements for September, but I should be fine to go back on the road in October, depending of course on my reactions to the chemo. Some people sail through it and others have a really rough time. I’m betting on being a smooth sailor, but I will cross that ocean when I get there.
And that’s pretty much all the news from RavenHaven.
Brightest Blessings,
Oberon
Monday, September 1, 2008
Posted on behalf of Oberon by Julie Epona
Dear Friends and Family:
This is Morning Glory giving you all a quickie update on Oberon’s progress. His surgery was on Friday and it went well; they removed a large section of his descending colon and adjacent mesentery, his doctor is confident that he took out all the cancer and any pre cancerous lymph nodes. He said that he did not see any swollen or discolored nodes. The tissue was all sent to Pathology and we should have the results later this week since the Lab is shut down for the holiday. We will know that the surgeon successfully removed all the cancer when we receive that report. Until then folks the coin is, magickally speaking, still in the air. We can still do some probability enhancement. We will let everyone know as soon as we find out.
In the meantime, Oberon is slowly and painfully recovering from this very harsh procedure. Some other good news is that he did not have to have a colostomy for which we are all grateful. But even so at this point he is in some serious agony; both meditation as well as medication can barely take the edge off his suffering. He is really not in any condition to have visitors or even phone calls. I do try to see him every day and rub his back and read to him but even my visits are short because that’s all he can handle. It will take time for the wounded tissues to knit and the healing process to go forward. He is barely drinking a little water now and he said to me last nite: “At least I will lose some weight out of all this misery.” At least he hasn’t lost his sense of humor altogether.
So what I want to ask is for people to continue working toward Oberon’s healing by shifting the probabilities toward 100% of all cancer removed; let all the demon be sitting in that bottle on the shelf in the Path Lab. But also changing from waning and banishing spells to soothing and nurturing spells directed at Oz’s wounded belly, also strength to bear the pain. Though he can’t really see or talk to anyone just yet I’m sending you his hospital address and room number so you can send him cards. I know that when I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and spent a week in the hospital my spirits were magnificently uplifted by all the wonderful cards and letters that people sent me. I will be forever grateful for that outpouring of Blessings. I firmly believe that I am alive because of it.
By the way here is a quick update on me as well. My IG protein levels are around 30 points the last time I was tested and that means that I am much better. Originally they were over 1000 which was very bad. I am still not in remission but I am close and the process of going for full remission is pretty invasive so it is a trade off between pushing the cancer back while maintaining a reasonable quality of life. My Thalidomide chemo is working and when it stops there are several other drugs to try as well as other therapies. I am regaining my mobility but I still have a lot of pain; I had to go off most of my pain meds because they were making me lose my memory and my ability to focus. I am confident that I will live to see my 2 year old granddaughter grow up and somewhere along that journey they will find a cure for my cancer.
Fortunately, Oberon’s cancer is curable. We will know whether he will need any radiation or chemotherapy when we get his pathology reports back. Until then beloved friends, please keep up the good working and send him some nifty cards to take his mind off the misery to:
Oberon Zell c/o: Petaluma Valley Hospital
400 N. McDowell blvd.
Petaluma, CA 94954
Many Bright Blessings to you all,
Morning Glory Zell
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Posted on behalf of Oberon by Julie Epona
Just got off the phone with OZ - all of the happy drugs of the anesthesia have worn off. OZ is really beginning to feel the pain and is very uncomfortable. He's asked that your prayers and spells include a lessening of the pain.
MG has arranged a lovely altar at the foot of his bed, which he is using as a focal point during his meditation: Brigit, red roses, a spring bouquet sent by GSW, and a Wizard doll.
The incisions were larger than OZ had thought, and there was a lot of internal cutting involved. OZ's recovery is going very well and on "schedule" - he is still only ingesting ice-chips. He will be on a very limited diet for several weeks.
OZ is still in very good spirits. He wants everyone to know that he couldn't be doing this without your support. He sends a huge Thank You to all of you.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Posted on behalf of Oberon by Julie Epona
OZ is doing really well. The surgery yesterday went very well.
The surgeon was able to go in with the laproscropic tool between the abdominal muscles, instead of through the muscle tissue, which will facilitate healing and greatly lessen OZ's pain. They removed the growth and surrounding tissue, about 1-ft of intestine, which has all been sent to the lab for pathology testing (results Mon or Tues). The intestine was then stitched together; additionally, they repaired OZ's hernia. OZ does NOT have a colostomy bag, the catheters are now out and he is up and walking about.
He's still experiencing yesterday's drugs, but when I talked with him this afternoon, he said he was pretty sure he would start using the morphine drip soon for the pain around the incision. He is pleasantly surprised with how little pain he is feeling.
As of tonight, all is well. He is beginning to feel uncomfortable, so he is availing himself of the morphine drip. All-in-All OZ is still feeling very positive & upbeat.
OZ wants me to let all of you know that he FEELS the Energy flowing towards him. As he went into surgery, he felt a psychic-euphoria envelope him. The Healing, Support & Love you have sent is making a huge difference for him - he is deeply grateful.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Posted on behalf of Oberon by Julie Epona
Oberon is scheduled for surgery on Friday, August 29, 2008 at 2:30 pm PDT.
Below is a Healing Spell for Oberon written by Lady Pythia, based on an ancient Druidic healing spell that Ellen Evert Hopman provided. Used with permission.
OUT OF THE MARROW, OUT OF THE BLOOD,
OUT OF THE BLOOD AND OUT OF THE FLESH,
OUT OF THE FLESH AND OUT OF THE SKIN,
OUT OF THE SKIN AND OUT OF THE HAIR
OUT OF THE HAIR IT GOES INTO THE EARTH
TURN NOW TO GOOD OH CAULDRON OF BIRTH!
STRENGTH TO OBERON, STRONG BE HIS HEART
BANE CANNOT WITHSTAND OUR SACRED ART
UNTRAMMELED CHANGE, NOW STILL, SOON GONE
AS WE ALL WILL, OUR WORK BE DONE!
BY AIR, FIRE, SEA AND SOIL OF BIRTH
HEAL THIS LOVER OF MOTHER EARTH
GAIA'S CHILD, THIS MAGE OBERON
AS WE WILL OUR WORK BE DONE!
BY THE POWER OF THREE TIMES THREE
BY THE SUN MOON LAND AND SEA
BY THE GODDESS AND HER LOVE
ALL BELOW IS NOW ABOVE
BY THE CHANT OF ONE THIS SPELL'S BEGUN,
BY THE POW'R OF TWO THIS SPELL COMES TRUE
BY THE SPELL OF THREE, SO MOTE IT BE
AN' IT HARM NONE, NOR RETURN UNTO ME
AS WE DO WILL, SO MOTE IT BE!
AS WE DO WILL, SO MOTE IT BE!
AS SHE DOES WILL, SO MOTE IT BE!
Visualize that tumor going to the place of transformation, into the Cauldron of Cerridwen, the Forge of Bridghe; being pulled deep into the magma center of Gaia where its baneful energy is consumed then used to create more Earth! And it is an easy jumping off point to see that viscous center as a Microcosmic Gate of Galactic Center in a Magickal Macroscope.
This is where I and ours would send a Baneful thing--'An it be turned to Good!
Humbly submitted, in Her Service and sending my Brother a remembered kiss for Healing from his Insides out!! Blessed Be dear one!
Lady Pythia
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
To all my dear Friends,
After a bit of concern regarding my surgeon's vacation plans, and the possibility that he wouldn't be able to do this surgery until Sept. 15 when he returns, we got it all worked out today. I've been on a liquid diet all day, and tonight I'll be drinking Citrate of Magnesium. Tomorrow morning (Thurs., 8/28), at 10:00 am, I'll be checking into the Petaluma Valley Hospital in Petaluma, CA, where they'll hook me up to an IV and begin the prep work.
The actual surgery is scheduled for 2:30 pm on Friday, 8/29.My surgeon is Dr. Cesar Veluz, assisted by Dr. Leone. Dr. Niendorf will do the urology stinting (these are stiff rods inserted up the uretors so that the surgeon will be able to find them easily to avoid cutting them during the surgery).
I mention all these names because Eric Silverbear suggested sending energy to my doctors as well as to me. Eric says:
"When the time comes, I think it would be good if we sent energy to the Surgeons. We can ask for them to have clarity, wisdom, skill. We can ask Asclepius for His Divine Guidance. Morning Glory said that we should give the surgeon clarity to visualize, like a map, the anatomy and the cancer, as the procedure with be laproscopic."
Dr. Veluz will be performing a hand-assisted laproscopic resection, taking about a foot out of my lower descending colon to get all of the tumor (which is the size of a ping-pong ball) and surrounding tissue. The laproscope will allow a minimal incision to minimize the possibility of infection.
According to all the pre-op tests, I am incredibly healthy in every way other than this tumor, so we aren't expecting any complications. My heart is in excellent shape, and so are my lungs. My blood pressure and pulse rate are like those of teenager. No other carcinomas appeared in the CAT scan or the ultrasound. And I feel really strong from all the energy I feel being continually poured into me from so very many dear friends all around the world!
Thank you all!
If you will, please have a red or green healing candle burning for me starting at 2:30 pm PDT on Friday, and think of me fondly as being robust and healthy.
The moon will be dark, so you can use that energy to visualize the complete banishment and obliteration of all carcinous cells. Prayers to Aesculapius, Hygeia, Brigit, Isis, and Kwan Yin would be especially appreciated, and add to our own. But I also welcome prayers to any other deities of your own devotions for my healing; I have no quarrel with any pantheons!
Many lovely spells have been written and put forth for my healing; I thank you all, and deeply appreciate all of them! MG and I have printed these out and done them at our own altar. I've posted one that my dear Lady Pythia put together on my Home Page, based on an ancient Druidic healing spell that Ellen Evert Hopman provided. I like this a lot, and would like to offer it as a single unified spell that all who wish may do on Friday. But anyone who has written or prefers other spells is certainly welcome to use them!
Bright Blessings,
Oberon
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The past few nights I have had amazing magickal dreams of healing, which I know have come from the full moon and rolling thunder rites that many of you have been doing for me. Thank you!
And I have been profoundly moved by the outpouring of love and support that has been flowing to me from countless postings on this and other lists I’m on. In particular, of course, the amazing poetry and spells (such as this one) have just blown me away! I print them all out and MG and I have been using them in our own healing rites here.
I have been asked what symptoms I may have exhibited of this affliction…
No symptoms, really. I feel fine, as always. But I went in for a routine annual physical check-up in July (it having been 10 years since my last one), and my doctor found a trace of blood in my rectal exam. He asked if I'd ever had a colonoscopy, and I said no, I never had. So he set me up for one, which was last Tuesday. And that's when they discovered this golfball-sized tumor/lesion. They did a biopsy, and it came back positive for cancer.
I must say, I'm having a hard time assimilating this emotionally. I have always taken my robust good health and physical strength for granted. So many others around me whom I love have had serious health problems (such as Morning Glory's multiple myeloma), that I have taken the position of always being the "tower of strength" that they could rely on, as I have been blessed with consistently excellent health. No one has ever had to worry about me, so I was able to worry about them, and be there for them. How can I expect others who are trying to cope with their own problems to now have to be concerned about mine? I don't want that, and I don’t know how to deal with it.
However, the doctor seems to think that this tumor will be easily removable by taking a foot out of my descending colon, and then I’ll be back to normal. He says it’s less than a year old, and the actual carcinoma tissue is very small. I have an appointment with a good surgeon next Thursday to schedule surgery ASAP. As soon as I have a date for this, I'll let everyone know. The only concern seems to be over the possibility that some of the cancer cells may have escaped the tumor and metastasized into my lymph glands. That’s what the blood work and CAT scan (Computer Axial Tomography) were to determine. Should that be the case, then we'd be looking at radiation and chemotherapy...
So I am calling for all the prayers and healing energies that my many friends can muster to shrink and contain the tumor as much as possible, so that none of the cancer gets out into surrounding tissue or lymph nodes between now and the surgery. And, of course, that the surgery be completely successful, and that I never have a recurrence.
And if you haven’t had a colonoscopy in recent years, I heartily recommend you arrange for one ASAP! I could have gone without this one as I have all my life, and a year from now I could have been dead.
Again, thank you for your love, concern, and prayers!
Bright Blessings,
Oberon
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
Yesterday I had a meeting yesterday with my doctor, Stephen Denigris, to discuss the results of the biopsy they did on the golfball-sized tumor (lesion) they discovered during my recent colonoscopy, just two days ago. He says it is indeed cancerous, and colon cancer is aggressive and nasty. However, it is far enough up that it can be surgically removed along with about a foot of my descending colon (left side). He said that it appears to be less than a year old, so the chances of a complete removal of all cancerous tissue are excellent.
The only concern is that some of the cancer cells may have migrated into my lymph nodes, which would be a really serious problem, requiring radiation and chemotherapy. To help determine whether or not this may be the case, they took a few vials of my blood for testing, and tomorrow at 2:45 PM PDT, I am scheduled for a CAT scan. The results of the bloodwork and the CAT scan will be available next Thursday (8/21), when I have an appointment with an abdominal surgeon to discuss upcoming surgery—which we’ll schedule as soon as possible.
The best things about all this so far are that we caught this early enough that it should be completely operable; and at the same time, they’ll be able to repair an abdominal hernia which has been plaguing me for many years.
However, Dr. Denigris also emphasized the importance of prayers and healing energy. Right now, to shrink and contain the tumor as much as possible, so that none of the cancer gets out into surrounding tissue or lymph nodes between now and the surgery. After I get the results of the CAT scan and bloodwork, I’ll let everyone know the status going into surgery. Then I’ll need all the healing energy I can get on the actual day of the surgery to ensure that everything goes perfectly.
Love,
OZ
Copyright © 2008 Oberon Zell, all rights reserved.
Photography by Nemea Arborvitae